On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
