We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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