how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
