Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
