Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
