Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
