All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
