Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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