he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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