He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
