today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize