Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
