I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
