we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
