my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
