Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
