i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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