The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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