Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize