drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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