I wish I could teleport
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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