nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
