Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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