Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
