I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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