If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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