Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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