Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
