Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
