I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
