There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
