I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
