Im at strip club and am horny
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
