I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
