If that was your dad, he is hot
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
