Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm at about main and main street
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
