it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
