i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
