im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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