my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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