I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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