Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
