But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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