Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
