TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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