Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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