It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
