I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
