Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
