Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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