I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
