Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drunk is a universal language darling
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
