R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
