halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
