is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
