So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's official drugs can't kill me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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