If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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