I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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