If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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