I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
