she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
