Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I supernannyed him into submission
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
