now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
