I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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