I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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