I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize