I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
