areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
