i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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