is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
