Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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