All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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