the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
