you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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