I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
