worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How external is "for external use only"?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
