Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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