she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
