Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
