We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
