Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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