I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
