Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize