Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
