sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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