all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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