We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He better not be in your backpack
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
