I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
