margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We talked him into tasing himself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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