4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
