so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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