he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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