My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
