please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
