I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
