i don't like sucking hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
