end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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