I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
