On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize