I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
