Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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