Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
