How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
