So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
