Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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