Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
