She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
