1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
